Defined Terms

Terms you may run into on this blog. Defined to the best of my ability. If you disagree with a definition or the language on here or any other page, or if you’d like to add a word/definition, please email me your concerns and I’ll get back to you as quickly as I can!

Age-play: The act of two consenting adults who want to “role-play” a large age gap. Can be where someone pretends to be an adult and another pretends to be a baby, child or a teenager. Not to be confused with nonconsensual acts, which are illegal and extremely harmful.

BDSM: Stands for a combination of “bondage” and “discipline,” “dominance” and “submission,” and “sadism” and “masochism.”

Bondage: The sexual practice of restraining a partner with a rope, leather, chains, etc. Can involve tying someone to objects such as a bed, the ceiling, etc. Generally considered a kink.

Cisgender/cis-: Someone who identifies as the gender of the sex they were assigned at birth.

Consent: The permission one gains before any kind of sexual behavior with someone else. Anything outside of consent is considered assault (and is not ok).

Corporal punishment: A form of physical punishment that involves purposeful pain in retribution for an offense. In this blog, this will mostly be discussed as a type of “role-play.”

Discipline: Instruction intended to train someone. In this blog, this will mostly be discussed as a “kink.”

Dom/Dominant: Short for “dominant.” A person who is roleplaying as the dominant figure in a BDSM relationship (as opposed to the “sub” who is “submissive” in the relationship).

Domestic abuse survivor: A person who has experienced abuse within a seemingly trusting relationship. Can experience trauma as a result.

Fantasy: The opposite of reality. An idea or thought that makes someone sexually aroused. Acted out with full consent of a partner or partners.

Gangbang: A sexual act that involves three or more partners.

Gender: The noun and/or pronouns that someone identifies as. Can fit society’s gender binary of male/female, man/woman, or can be genderqueer, transgender woman, transgender man, etc. Gender is a spectrum that is not limited to society’s expectations. Not to be confused with “sex.” On this blog, and wherever else you want to be a decent person, someone’s gender identity and the pronouns they use should be respected at all times.

Gender binary: The social dichotomy that separates gender into male and female and that sets up strict standards for how males and females should act. Can often be harmful in the way it places people into unrealistic categories of behavior (e.g. men are strong and emotionless; women are weak and emotional).

Genderqueer: A person who does not feel they fit one side of the socially constructed norms of the “gender binary.”
Heterosexual: Someone who is sexually attracted to someone who identifies as a gender they do not identify as. (Normally this applies to those whose gender line up with the “gender binary.”)

Homosexual: Someone who is sexually attracted to someone who identifies as the same gender they identify as.

“Invisible” disability: A disability that is not always obvious to an onlooker. Can include mental health disorders, sensory impairments, brain injuries, pain, dizziness, etc. This is why you should never shame someone for requiring disability services because they “don’t look disabled.”

Kink: Can refer to a person who is “kinky” or a person’s sexual preferences. Usually discussed as preferences that are the opposite of “vanilla”.

Kinky: Sex that is the opposite of “vanilla.” Thought of as sex that is non-standard. Can involve “BDSM.”

Mental illness: A disorder in which a person’s behavior, emotions, or thoughts are not considered to be in line with society’s standards of “normal.” Can often cause suffering for those who have it for myriad reasons.

Pansexual: Someone who identifies as being sexually interested in people regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

PiV sex: Penis-in-vagina sex.

Passing: Someone who fits society’s expectations of something. i.e. white-passing, in which a person appears white according to society’s standards.

Privilege: A position of power one has. Can be something a person is born with (white privilege, heterosexual privilege) or something that is developed over time as a cause of other privileges (wealth privilege, education privilege). It is important in all aspects to recognize one’s privilege in order to empathize with those who have less privilege.

Queer: An umbrella term for someone who identifies as something other than heterosexual. Can be an offensive term if used by someone who belongs to a more privileged group of the spectrum.

Rape survivor: Someone who has been raped.

Rape-play: The act of role-playing rape or nonconsensual sex between people. In order for it to be legal and safe, it needs to be done between two fully consenting adults.

Role-play: A fantasy that is played out between two consenting adults.

Sadism: Someone who gets sexual pleasure from hurting someone else. In this blog it will be mostly discussed as an act between two consenting adults.

Self-love/Self-care: The act of taking time to care of yourself. Can also be a term for masturbation.

Sex: An umbrella term for something pleasurable between people. Can also refer to the genetic reproductive difference between male, female, or other. Not to be confused with “gender,” which is what a person identifies as.

Sexual dysfunction/sexual malfunction: Difficulty experienced by someone or by a couple during any part of sex. Can be a result of trauma, abuse, discomfort, age, sexual incompatibility or other physical/mental reasons.

Sub/Submissive: The person in a “BDSM” relationship who identifies are more submissive. Can also be a person who, during a single or multiple sex acts, gives control to someone who at the moment identifies are more “dominant.”

Transgender: Someone who identifies are a gender they were not assigned at birth.

Emotional/psychological trauma: Like physical trauma, which is a wound to the body, emotional/psychological trauma is damage (permanent or temporary) to the psyche that happens as a result of an extremely distressing event (e.g. rape, domestic abuse, a near-death experience, etc.)

Vanilla: Sex that is not “kinky.” Not involving “BDSM.” Usually used to describe sex that is “plain,” thus the term “vanilla.”

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